So you’ve been asked to be the Best Man – congratulations, that’s such an honour! But also, that’s so much pressure! Of course, there are lots of responsibilities when it comes to being the best man; including organising the stag do and looking after the rings, and if we’re really going to do it right, you need to be on hand to kidnap the bride if her disapproving family try to take the bride back. (Traditionally the best man is called the ‘best’ because he would have been the best at wielding a sword if things got ugly; this harks back to times when marriages weren’t always voluntary, and brides were often captured against their will).
But don’t worry, as newly-appointed best man you’re not expected to be able to sword fight; no, you’re going to have to do something far more terrifying – and that’s give the best man speech.
You may be feeling totally fine with this, after all, it’s just standing up and speaking, right? Or you may be feeling overwhelmed and a little bit daunted, but don’t worry, we’re here to help, so put down those mother-in-law jokes – this isn’t the 70s – take a deep breath and let us guide you through it.
STRUCTURE & WHAT TO INCLUDE
Having some kind of structure helps when making a speech:
- Intro – start by introducing yourself and your relationship with the groom.
- The story – maybe talk about how/when you met, anything memorable that you’ve done together, something that highlights his character and your friendship.
- Remember those who are absent – read out messages from people who can’t be there.
- Acknowledge the people who’ve made this day possible – for example, bridesmaids/groomsmen etc who have helped in the run up to the day.
- Talk about the couple – how happy you are for them, maybe comment on how happy they make each other.
- Propose a toast to the happy couple.
- Relax.
WHAT NOT TO INCLUDE
Most of this is common sense, but just in case you need a reminder, here are a few topics you should steer clear of:
- Previous relationships/marriages.
- Drinking/drugs/gambling.
- Edgy/adult humour – this really isn’t the time to tell that story.
- General negativity about marriage.
- Obscure inside jokes that only you and the groom will get.
- Any contentious topics that may cause a heated debate.
WHAT ABOUT AI?
AI is everywhere now and if you tell ChatGPT to write you a best man speech it will do just that and produce something generic and insincere. Try using it as a tool instead and get it to check your grammar/wordcount or to make it more concise. And whatever you do, don’t ask it to write your jokes. We’re sure that the good old ‘this day is so emotional, even the cake is in tiers’ joke was mildly funny the first time it was used, but those days are gone.
HOW LONG SHOULD IT BE?
Keep it short and sweet. We’ve all been there – you’ve eaten your meal and are waiting for the first dance and you hear that little tap on a glass; at this point it’s already been a very long day, and 15 minutes in, when you’re trying to sneakily check the time while stifling a yawn, you really don’t want to hear another story about the time the groom was sick in his shoes in the back of a taxi.
As best man you want to keep your audience’s attention and leave them wanting more. 3 – 5 minutes is fine; you can go on a bit longer if you want to, but anything more than 8 – 10 minutes is too long. There’s also the statistic that shows the average person has an attention span of approximately 8.25 seconds (compared to 12 seconds in 2000), that’s a nearly a whole second less than the attention span of a goldfish, so bear that in mind as you’re launching into the groom’s life story, complete with baby pics and school reports.
TIPS
- Plan ahead – while it might be tempting to try to wing it – you always get a laugh in the pub, right? – start planning it a couple of months in advance. This gives you time to ask his family/partner for funny stories and to think of things you want to say and make a note of them on your phone.
- Be yourself – if yourself is usually all about corny jokes then go for it, but don’t feel under pressure to suddenly turn into a stand-up comedian. You’ve been chosen to be best man because of who you are, and genuine emotion is always a winner.
- Talking of jokes… be careful who you’re joking about. The groom is fair game – to a point – but their partner isn’t, unless you’re really close to them too, and neither is their family. It’s not worth upsetting someone just for the sake of a laugh.
- Use notes – write the speech down and don’t worry about needing prompts, even speakers at corporate events use prompt cards. You could either have it all written down or just use bullet points, whatever you decide to do will be better than reading off your phone, and small note cards are easier than having lots of pieces of paper flapping around.
- Practice! – read it out loud, preferably in front of someone else, or record yourself. We often don’t realise those little habits we have, like saying ‘errm’ a lot, or mumbling.
- Read the room – you’ll have a really diverse audience; the groom’s granny/nephew/boss may not want to hear some of the stories you’ve got stored up so save them for the stag night. It also depends on the venue; a wedding in a back garden might be a bit more relaxed than a wedding in a stately home.
ON THE DAY
- Cut back on the booze – as tempting as it might be to have some Dutch courage, (and yes, we’re sure you’re always hilarious when you’re drunk…) you don’t want it mess it up by slurring your words or swaying, you’re also more likely to ad lib and forget our previous advice about toning down the mother-in-law jokes.
- Look up – don’t just keep your head down, looking at your notes, look around the room and make eye contact.
- Slow down – however much you might be wishing it was over, don’t rush through it; if you tell a joke, take a breath and wait for the joke to land. Also, have a glass of water nearby; nerves will make your mouth dry anyway, but you could take a sip of water in between sentences to force you to take a pause.
- Breathe – you’re not delivering a speech to the United Nations, you’re at a happy event amongst friends and everybody is on your side (and also possibly a little bit drunk) so relax and enjoy it. If you’re smiling, your audience will smile too. It’ll all be over in 5 minutes, and before you know it you’ll be strutting your stuff to Gangnam Style with somebody’s Auntie Pat.
The best man’s speech is a great way to honour your friend and celebrate their relationship with their partner, while sharing a few stories that will make people smile. The best speeches, whether it’s the best man’s or the father of the bride, have the right blend of comedy and sincerity.
Whether it’s a big white traditional wedding, or a small, intimate wedding, it’s worth reminding the happy couple about the importance of wedding insurance. Read 5 great reasons why insurance can help take some of the stress away for the big day; then sit back and enjoy the day, safe in the knowledge that for better or worse, it hasn’t ended in tiers!
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