We’re all amazing singers, that goes without saying; our car/shower concerts are up there with the best and it’s only a matter of time before we get snapped up and offered a massive record deal. The only problem is that some of those lyrics can be a bit tricky to hear; so it’s only right that we occasionally fill in the gaps ourselves. We all know that one person who always sings the wrong words when you’re having a sing-along in the car, or at the pub right? You don’t? Then we’re afraid there’s a very strong chance that YOU are that person. But don’t worry, if you’re anything like us then chances are your version is much better than the original anyway and you’re doing everyone a favour.
We love a good debate here at The Insurance Emporium, so we’ve asked around and come up with 40 of the funniest misheard lyrics, so prepare to have your mind blown (apparently TLC weren’t singing about some bloke called Jason Waterfalls, who knew??), and brace yourself for having some of your favourite songs ruined because once you hear these lyrics there’s no going back and all you’ll hear is Take That offering to ‘Wash your back’. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
1. JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE – PURPLE HAZE
What we sing: ‘Excuse me while I kiss this guy.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Excuse me while I kiss the sky.’
2. BON JOVI – LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER
What we sing: ‘It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not.’
3. DIRE STRAITS – MONEY FOR NOTHING
What we sing: ‘Money for nothing and your chips for free.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Money for nothin and your chicks for free.’
(Free chips sounds a much better proposition. You’ll also notice that a lot of these are food-related; from hotdogs to mustard, green beans to poppadoms, we’ve pretty much got a whole meal, it’s almost as though we’re all constantly thinking about food over here…)
4. JOHNNY NASH – I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW
What we sing: ‘I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone.’ (extra points if you sing ‘I can see Diedre now Lorraine has gone.’)
What the actual lyrics are: ‘I can see clearly now the rain has gone.’
5. MADONNA – PAPA DON’T PREACH
What we hear: ‘Poppadom preach.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Papa don’t preach.’
Proof that even one of the most influential women in music isn’t immune to a comedy misheard lyric.
6. MACY GRAY – I TRY
What we sing: ‘I wear goggles when you are not here.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘My world crumbles when you are not here.’
Read more about this song in our blog about famous one hit wonders.
7. SISTER SLEDGE – WE ARE FAMILY
What we sing: ‘Just let me staple the vicar.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Just let me state for the record.’
8. ANNE-MARIE – CIAO ADIOS
What we sing: ‘Shower the horse I’m done.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Ciao, Adios, I’m done.’
9. TAYLOR SWIFT – BLANK SPACE
What we sing: ‘All the lonely Starbucks lovers.’ (But in our own defence, even Taylor Swifts’ mum thinks she’s singing about the famous coffee chain.)
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Got a long list of ex-lovers.’
10. QUEEN – BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
What we sing: ‘Sparing his life from his warm sausage tea.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Spare him his life from this monstrosity.’
11. ELTON JOHN – TINY DANCER
What we sing: ‘Hold me close young Tony Danza.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Hold me closer tiny Dancer.’
(This was made famous in a Friends episode when Phoebe sang these words.)
12. THE SMITHS – ASK
What we sing: ‘Then it’s the bum, the bum, the bum
The bum, the bum, the bum, the bum
Will bring us together’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Then it’s the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
The bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
Will bring us together’
13. IRENE CARA – FLASHDANCE – WHAT A FEELING
What we sing: ‘Take your pants down and make it happen.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Take your passion and make it happen.’
14. GALA – FREED FROM DESIRE
What we sing: ‘My love has got no money, he’s got his trombalese.’ (What do you mean, there’s no such thing as a trombalese? Logic has nothing to do with misheard lyrics, which is why trampoline also fits in here, it’s a very versatile song.)
What the actual lyrics are: ‘My love has got no money, he’s got his strong beliefs.’
15. KATE BUSH – RUNNING UP THAT HILL
What we sing: ‘And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get into smaller places.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places.’
Read how this song made a musical comeback thanks to Stranger Things.
16. BECK – LOSER
What we sing: ‘I’m a lizard, baby.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘I’m a loser, baby.’
17. PAUL YOUNG – EVERY TIME YOU GO AWAY
What we sing: ‘Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you.’
18. DONNA SUMMER – HOT STUFF
What we sing: ‘Looking for some pasta baby this evening.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Lookin for some hot stuff baby this evenin’.
19. INNER CITY – BIG FUN
What we sing: ‘We’re having meatballs.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘We’re having big fun.’
20. THE STRANGLERS – GOLDEN BROWN
What we sing: ‘Gordon Brown, texture like sun.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Golden Brown, texture like sun.’
21. THE POLICE – SO LONELY
What we sing: ‘Sue Lawley.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘So lonely.’
22. SELENA GOMEZ – GOOD FOR YOU
What we sing: ‘I’m farting carrots.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘I’m 14 carats.’
23. THE BEE GEES – MORE THAN A WOMAN
What we sing: ‘Bald headed woman.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘More than a woman.’
24. BEYONCE – SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT)
What we sing: ‘Own a single lettuce.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘All the single ladies.’
25. LORDE – ROYALS
What we sing: ‘You can call me green bean.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘You can call me Queen Bee.’
26. CELINE DION – MY HEART WILL GO ON
What we sing: ‘I believe that the hot dogs go on.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘I believe that the heart does go on.’
27. GREASE – YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT
What we sing: ‘You’re the wobbly one.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘You’re the one that I want.’
28. ADELE – CHASING PAVEMENTS
What we sing: ‘Chasing penguins.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Chasing pavements.’
29. COLDPLAY – PARADISE
What we sing: ‘Dream of parrot eyes.’ (see also, ‘Pair of dice.’)
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Dream of paradise.’
30. EMINEM ft RIHANNA – THE MONSTER
What we sing: ‘I’m friends with the mustard that’s under my bed.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed.’
31. ALANIS MORISSETTE – YOU OUGHTA KNOW
What we sing: ‘Of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Of the cross I bear that you gave to me.’
32. PAULO NUTINI – PENCIL FULL OF LEAD
What we sing: But vegetable (vegetable) I’ve got my gravy.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘But best of all (best of all) I’ve got my baby.’
33. TRAIN – HEY SOUL SISTER
What we sing: ‘Your lipstick stinks.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Your lipstick stains.’
34. ABBA – GIMME GIMME GIMME
What we sing: ‘Take me to the doctors at the break of the day.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Take me through the darkness to the break of the day.’
35. ABBA – DANCING QUEEN
What we sing: ‘Feel the beat of the tangerine.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Feel the beat of the tambourine.’
What we sing: ‘See that girl, watch that scene, kicking the dancing queen.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘See that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen.’
36. ABBA – CHIQUITITA
What we sing: ‘Chicken Tikka.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Chiquitita.’
37. THE BEATLES – I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND (also known as ‘I Want to Hold Your Ham’)
What we sing: ‘I get high.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘I can’t hide.’
38. THE BEATLES – LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS
What we sing: ‘Blue seal in the sky with diamonds.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘Lucy in the sky with diamonds.’
39. ELVIS PRESLEY – (LET ME BE YOUR) TEDDY BEAR
This isn’t the King himself but his backing singers, who seem to be singing about hot fruit. (although he does have form with the opening line of Suspicious Minds – ‘recording a trout’…)
What we sing: ‘Hot banana.’
What the actual lyrics are: We have absolutely no idea what they’re trying to sing here.
40. STARSHIP – WE BUILT THIS CITY
What we sing: ‘We built this city on sausage rolls.’
What the actual lyrics are: ‘We built this city on rock and roll.’
(In 2018 the British blogger, LadBaby released a charity version of this song called ‘We built this city on…. sausage rolls’ to raise money for The Trussell Trust, it got to number one in the UK charts.)
THE SCIENCE BIT…
If you always gets the words wrong, don’t be too hard on yourself as there is actually proper science behind misheard lyrics; it’s known as a Mondegreen, which is a ‘mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase in a way that gives it a new meaning’, so if you don’t hear a lyric properly you replace it with something that sounds similar. The word originated in the 50s when an American writer misheard the last line of a Scottish ballad her mum used to read her, mishearing ‘laid him on the green’ as ‘Lady Mondegreen’.
There’s a bit of confirmation bias in this too; our brains replace the unfamiliar with the familiar – people hear what they want to hear. It’s also our brains’ attempt to make sense of the world around us; it fills in the gaps. Whatever it’s called, all you need to know is, it’s not your fault…
Some of these misheard lyrics improve the songs, some turn them a little bit violent (we don’t condone either stapling vicars OR kicking anyone who’s dancing), but all of them change the meaning of the song and once they’re in your head, there’s no shifting them. Whether it’s Neil Diamond singing about Reverend Blue Jeans or Fleetwood Mac singing about Growing Your Own Wig, no song is immune to a misheard lyric.
So which ones have we missed?
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